The Grundig of Spote

Spote is an inhospitable village on the edge of western Sweemp. Actually it's more of a concrete slab with a mail box and soda machine. At any rate, the grimacing Grundig remains Spote's sole inhabitant. Alone for the last 847 years, he's not exactly a charmer.

To receive tourist information on Spote (including Grundig visiting hours), write to:
Spote Tourism Division
Attention: Grundig
1 Slab Road
Spote, Western Sweemp
00001

Yolki

Yolkis are limber ascetics that adhere to the strict tenets of the Cult of the Yolk.

Every morning at sunrise (which they call yolk-up) the Yolkis gather at the Temple of Scramble to adorn their flexible physiques with streaks of gold and yellow. This "yolking" has deep spiritual significance.

Bodies streaked in faux-yolk, the Yolkis assume strange contorted postures — each position firmly held while balancing a single soft boiled egg.

Prep Shop Boys

These champs are so mint, they gag me with a silver spoon.

Yeah, as if.

Wiff Nissbaughm's "Unpalettable"

With the "Rookie Artist of the Year Award" under his belt and a special cultural commendation from Mayor Fleens hanging on the studio wall, it's no wonder that Wiff Nissbaughm's new solo show, Unpalettable, has left Chauceville's art critics fumbling for words.

"Simply something," raves Bit-My-Lip Gallery owner, Mindle Pamp. "Wiff's use of primary colors as primal emotions renders the jejune banal. It's baleen!"

"Agreed," chimes Oink Seedbeetle, curator for the Museum of Modern Stuff. "Nissbaughm is putting brush to canvas and moving it back and forth. There's no question that his recent works post-date his earlier pieces."

High praise to be sure.

Tiki & Hound

Tiki: A Day in the Life
10am: Ward off evil spirits
11:30: Accept offerings
Noon to 3: Curse intruders
5pm: Walk hound

Hound:
7am: Up and at 'em
9am: Bark at Islanders
10 to 5: Sniff around

Moss Rogers

Anchormoss for The Fungus Network's News at 9, Moss Rogers has been belting out the bacterial bulletin since portobello mushroom was knee-high to a mold spore.

"People attribute my lasting success to great hair and a keen nose for news," remarks the veteran reporter. "Of course, being little more than a spongy patch of rock carpet, I never actually developed a sense of smell — much less a nose. The real secret is that I simply decompose a lot slower than most of my fungus contemporaries."

"And the hair certainly doesn't hurt."

Curse of the Black Lichen

The bone-chilling new thriller from famed author/newscaster Moss Rogers, Curse of the Black Lichen will have even the most sedentary stone trembling with fear.

"It had me wishing I was molten again," reveals hardened mineral, Granite Goldgravel. "And I'm not alone. My friend, Shale Shardman, didn't even get past the prologue. Two paragraphs in and he was crumbling like soapstone. It's definitely not for the igneous."