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"All the Gink That's Fit to Fleen" Past Editions Summary List FRONT PAGE THE ARTS INSIGHTS LINKS Screamy Bee Ranch Violates Loams County Noise Ordinance Economy Takes Hit By Guest Feature Writer: Natalie, Esq. Monday morning, the Screamy Bee Ranch was cited for violations of the new Loams County Noise Ordinance. Noise associated with a Sunday night bash at the Screamy Bee, celebrating the change from day light savings time to standard time was reported to be the cause of the violation. Partygoer Bunny of luscious qualms was quoted as saying "I guess it's true what they say, you can't fight City Hall." The individual that tipped off authorities to the violation remains anonymous, however, sources indicate that the tipster was Chauceville's own Ultimate Business Man — a neighbor of the Screamy Bee. Ultimate Business Man purchased valuable real estate adjacent to the Screamy Bee in 2000. Residents of Loams County report that Ultimate Business Man constructed a teepee on the property, where he sleeps while in town on business, in order to reconnect with nature. Ultimate Business Man was scheduled to close a multi million dollar deal Monday morning at Chauceville Bank Tower. The deal fell apart Monday afternoon. Ultimate Business Man reportedly blamed the loss of the deal on lack of sleep. The deal, which would have infused the Chauceville economy with new capital, will likely hit Chaucevillians where it hurts. Poem of the Week The Fools The Fool on the hill and the Fool in the hole Fought one another and vied for control. The Fool on the hill ate up all he surveyed. The Fool in the hole claimed the land 'neath his spade. And the hole became huge as the fool stole the earth. And the hill became weak as the fool gained in girth. Then at last when the weight became too much to bear And emptiness displaced the dirt that was there, The whole thing collapsed sending dust through the air. Leaving two fools one grave — that they peacefully share. The Weekly Fleen Snig makes way. Worm coronated. New king dubbed "Royal of the soil". Oldie reaches — but way too out of touch. Graduate contemplates bleak job market. Unemployed, shirtless. Organ flees body. "I'll never be donated alive!" shouts speedy innard. Varicose vein problem reaches new extreme. Fish looks left for first time in life. Shocked by other side of world. Blueberry rubbed on lip. "Definitely not as good as eating," states fruit frictionist. Synagogue haunted by bodiless holyman. Salt gun invented. One-ups pepper spray. SNERST & SUCH WHO'S WHO (Character List) GLOSSARY OF SNERST Visit the ARTS page for snigs art. Weekly Word of Advice Simplify your life. This Week from the Archive Bad Baby Chooch